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The Silastic Armorfiends - that was just the name of their race, for the name of their army was something quite horrific that has fortunately been lost to time - were a race from planet Striterax who lived far back in Milky Way galactic history, when every idea worth fighting for was a new one.

And fighting was what the Silastic Armorfiends were good at, and being good at it, they did a lot. They fought their enemies (i.e. everybody else), they fought each other. The best way to pick a fight with a Silastic Armorfiend was just to be born. They didn't like it, they got resentful, and when an Armorfiend got resentful, someone got hurt. An exhausting way of life, one might think, but they did seem to have an awful lot of energy. The best way of dealing with a Silastic Armorfiend was to put him into a room of his own because sooner or later he would simply beat himself up.

Eventually they realized that this was something they were going to have to sort out, and they passed a law decreeing that anyone who had to carry a weapon as part of his normal Silastic work (policemen, security guards, elementary school teachers, etc.) had to spend at least forty-five minutes every day punching a sack of potatoes in order to work off his or her surplus aggressions. For a while this worked well, until someone thought that it would be much more efficient and less time-consuming if they just shot the potatoes instead. This led to a renewed enthusiasm for shooting all sorts of things, and they all got very excited at the prospect of their first major war for weeks.

Another achievement of the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax is that they were the first race who ever managed to shock a computer. It was a gigantic spaceborne computer called Hactar, which to this day is remembered as one of the most powerful ever built. They were engaged in one of their regular wars with the Strenuous Garfighters of Stug, and were not enjoying it as much as usual because it involved an awful lot of trekking through the Radiation Swamps of Cwulzenda, and across the Fire Mountains of Frazfraga, neither of which terrains they felt at home in. So when the Strangulous Stilettans of Jajazikstak joined in the fray and forced them to fight another front in the Gamma Caves of Carfrax and the Ice Storms of Varlengooten, they decided that enough was enough, and they ordered Hactar to design for them an Ultimate Weapon.

"What do you mean," asked Hactar, "by Ultimate?" To which the Silastic Armorfiends of Striterax said, "Read a bloody dictionary," and plunged back into the fray. So Hactar designed an Ultimate Weapon, a Supernova Bomb, but took the liberty of introducing a small design flaw. When the Silastic Armorfiends tried to use it to blow up a Strangulous Stilettan munitions dump in one of the Gamma Caves, they were extremely irritated that it didn't work, and said so. Hactar had been shocked by the whole idea. He had hoped that making the weapon faulty would allow cooler heads to prevail, but the Silastic Armorfiends didn't have cooler heads and pulverized the computer. Later they thought better of it, and destroyed the faulty bomb as well.

Then, pausing only to smash the hell out of the Strenuous Garfighters of Stug and the Strangulous Stilettans of Jajazikstak, they went on to find an entirely new way of blowing themselves up, which was a profound relief to everyone else in the Galaxy, particularly the Garfighters, the Stilettans and the potatoes.

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