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Hairyknees was an ancient explorer who landed on planet Polyphemus and had his crew captured by Cyclopians. They escaped when Hairyknees came up with the brilliant plan of disguising themselves as Polypheman sheep by crawling around on all fours going “Baaa… Baaa…” When arrested by the Polypheman police, he gave his name as “Nobody.” This staggeringly clever ruse completely baffled the police. Over the next few weeks, Cyclopian citizens who were mugged by Hairyknees and his crew explained to confused officers that “Nobody” had assaulted them. A typical charge sheet would look like this:

OFFICER: What happened to your purse?

CITIZEN: “Nobody” took it.

OFFICER: Then where is it?

CITIZEN: I told you, “Nobody” ran off with it… etc.

The clear-up rate of these crimes was 0%, and “Nobody” is still Public Enemy #1 on Polyphemus.

Hairyknees finally returned home over ten galayears late and told a preposterous farrago of lies to explain his absence. However, when the External Revenue Department heard his story they realised immediately that Cyclopians would be perfect customs officials, a role in which they have excelled ever since.

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