Life, the Universe and Everything Wiki

This page is about the species. For a list of Earthlings, see Category: Earthlings.

Earthlings are a race of Humans that inhabit planet Earth, known as "Ickies" on planet K-9, "Bald-Bottomed, Bi-Nostrilled Earthcritters" on planet Zort, and a number of unprintable words and phrases on more planets than we care to count. Although they believe themselves to be the most intelligent species of that planet and hence named themselves after it, they are in fact only the third most intelligent, coming in behind Mice and Dolphins, respectively.

Earth was designed with organic life as part of its computer matrix, and as such was inhabited by Humans to begin with. They lived lives of peace and prosperity, with an extremely primitive culture that never developed much of anything. The main reason they never developed much of anything is that they were wiped out by another race of Humans, the Golgafrinchans. When they saw the Golgafrinchans' idiocy it seems that most of them lost the will to live, although some of their genetics probably persisted through interbreeding.

The Golgafrinchans are the principal ancestors of all Earthlings today, and it shows. Modern Earthlings also contain trace amounts of Furon DNA, due to an incident early in their history when a Furon scout ship came across their planet while returning from a conquest of Mars and the Furon space travelers impregnated the "nubile" Earthlings to "let off a little steam". This is believed, though not confirmed, to be the source of excessive apathy, sarcasm and warmongering in some Earthlings.

Earthlings are one of the most widely space-faring races in the known universe, having explored and colonized or attempted to colonize an uncountable number of planets. They were the primary organizers of the United Federation of Planets and many similar alliances.